Hilarious jokes provide boundless laughter and endless amusement. Whether you’re in need of a quick mood lifter or a hearty chuckle, hilariously funny jokes will tickle your funny bone and leave you grinning from ear to ear.
Also, the benefits of laughter extend beyond mere amusement. Scientifically proven to reduce stress, boost mood, and even strengthen social bonds, laughter is strong medicine. From witty one-liners, funny punchlines to clever quips, these hilarious jokes will make you laugh out loud and spread joy
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Hilariously Funny Jokes
What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?” “Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils… they dilate.
I’m not a fan of spring cleaning. Let’s be honest, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen reigned there for decades.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.
You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.
You know there’s no official training for trash collectors? They just pick things up as they go along.
What did the dirt say to the rain? If you keep this up, my name will be mud!
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack “darn” and a skydiver goes “darn” whack.
Why couldn’t the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since.
A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t part with it.
What’s an egg’s favorite vacation spot? New Yolk City.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars bars.
My dog is a genius… I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette.
I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
I don’t want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? “You look drunk.”
What month is the shortest of the year? May, it only has three letters.
What did the snail who was riding on the turtle’s back say? Wheeeee!
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta-way.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
Funniest Jokes to Tell
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now! Wait…
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
You’re not completely useless. You can always serve as a bad example.
What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it’s really hard to find good players.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.
My wife says I’m getting fatter, but in my defence, I’ve had a lot on my plate recently.
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors, it’s just something I could really see myself doing.
“I stand corrected!” said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
Of course I should clean my windows. But privacy is important too.
I have a joke about time travel, but I’m not gonna share it. You guys didn’t like it.
What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
Got a PS5 for my little brother. Best trade I’ve ever done!
I proposed to my ex-wife. But she said no. She believes I’m just after my money.
I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust!
I’m thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. I wonder how many people are in that field.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He was deadlifting.
Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies.
How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.
Why don’t male ants sink? Because they’re boy-ant.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, “I want a grilled… cheese.” The waiter says, “What’s with the pause?” “Whaddya mean?” the bear replies. “I’m a bear!”
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
Funny, those road signs: “Caution – Watch for children!” I mean, how dangerous can a child be?
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, “I need you to help me get to the other side!” The other guy replies, “You’re on the other side!”
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? “Close the door, I’m dressing!”
My friend talked me into lending her money for plastic surgery. I’ve been trying to get it back for months. Unfortunately I have no idea what she looks like these days.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks—I’ll never part with it.
Hilarious Try Not To Laugh Jokes
Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were a lot of knights.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, “Do you want an aquarium?” The guy responds, “I don’t care what star sign it is!”
Our employer invited us to a seminar called “Mobbing at the workplace”. I think I will skip this one. I’m already pretty good at it.
What do you call bears with no ears? B—.
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
Exaggerations have become an epidemic. They went up by a million percent last year.
Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?” The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter!”
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? “You’re looking sharp.”
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
What’s the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.