208+ Clean Jokes To Make You Laugh

Laughter is a universal language that knows no boundaries. And when it comes to good jokes, sometimes it’s the simplest, cleanest ones that bring the most joy. Clean funny jokes are a delightful way to brighten someone’s day, tickle their funny bone, and create moments of shared laughter. Expand your humor horizons with short jokes that are creative, clever, and contagiously amusing.

From the best clean jokes for adults to funny clean jokes of the day, these jokes are suitable for all ages, making them perfect for family gatherings, social events, or simply to brighten up a conversation. One of the remarkable things about clean jokes is their ability to create a positive and inclusive atmosphere. These puns rely on clever wordplay, witty observations, and lighthearted humor to evoke smiles and chuckles.

Table of Contents

Funny Clean Jokes

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, “They’re right behind you!”

What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Rad-ish.

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.

I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one’s on the house.

Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? She took a day off.

Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

Worrying works! Case in point: 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!

I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

clean jokes
  • Save

My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate. I told them, “Just you wait!”

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn’t like it when she went the extra mile.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.

What do you call a magician who lost his magic? Ian.

Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I am OK.

When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke? When it becomes apparent.

I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He told me they all look that way and I should have left it in the garden.

Why did the bullet end up losing his job? He got fired.

Two men are on opposite sides of the river. The first man shouts, “How do I get to the other side of the river?” The other man yells, “You are on the other side of the river!”

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.

Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect Goth-ham.

I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did.

Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.

How do you measure a snake? In inches—they don’t have feet.

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.

Why is a swordfish’s nose 11 inches long? Because if it were 12 inches, it would be a foot.

funny clean jokes
  • Save

Where does a waitress with only one leg work? IHOP.

What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.

What does a house wear? Address!

It’s always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.

Why are toilets always so good at poker? They always get a flush.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’ The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

How do mountains stay warm in the winter? Snowcaps.

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is… Wait, where are we again?

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

Short Clean Jokes

I know they say money talks, but all mine says is “goodbye.”

Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player? Because to them, love means nothing!

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

I gave up my seat to an elderly person on the bus. And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Can February March? No, but April May.

Do I know any jokes about sodium? Na.

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

70% of the earth is water, and virtually none of it is carbonated. So the earth is, in fact, flat.

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.

If you have six oranges in one hand and eight bananas in another, what do you have? Big hands.

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

What did zero say to eight? Nice belt.

Why were they called the “dark ages?” Because there were a lot of knights.

What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.

funniest clean jokes
  • Save

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Why aren’t koalas considered bears? They don’t have the right koala-fications.

What bow can’t be tied? A rainbow.

I just found out the company that produces yardsticks won’t be making them any longer.

Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.

People think “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why.

What’s the difference between black-eyed peas and chickpeas? Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song. Chickpeas can hummus one.

How much teddy bears never want to eat anything? Because they’re always stuffed.

What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.

A termite walks into a bar. He says, “So, is the bar tender here?”

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold? The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

Did you hear that Larry got a new job working for Old MacDonald? He’s the new CIEIO.

I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

Apparently, you can’t use the words “beef stew” as a password. It’s just not stroganoff.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”

What building in New York has the most stories? The public library.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type here.”

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.

Why do bananas never get lonely? Because they hang out in bunches.

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.

What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

Hilarious Clean Jokes for the Whole Family

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares their dogs.

Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? To get a filling.

What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste, mostly.

What’s a balloon’s least favorite type of music? Pop.

What do you call bears with no ears? B.

Who built King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road.

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long little doggie.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

How did the Vikings communicate? With Norse code.

hilarious clean jokes
  • Save

What washes up on very small beaches? Micro-waves.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

I googled “Rorshach test.” But for some reason, all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.

What do you call a well-dressed lion? A dandelion.

I tried to win a suntanning competition. But all I got was bronze.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit? Approximately 1 GB.

How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches.

What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen.

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.

There were two muffins in an oven, and one said, “It’s getting hot in here, isn’t it?” The other muffin gasped, “Aah! A talking muffin!”

What do you call malware on a Kindle? A bookworm.

What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

What do you call a female chicken staring at a pile of lettuce? A Chicken Caesar Salad.

Why are crabs so bad at sharing? Because they’re all shellfish.

What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi bud!”

How do trees access their email? They log in.

What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead. I’ll hang around.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? They make up everything.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

Which program do Jedi use to sign their files? Adobe Sign Kenobi.

What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.

What is the best way to criticize your boss? Very quietly, so she cannot hear you.

I started a new job as a tailor last week. It’s been sew-sew.

Our computers went down at the office today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me 15 minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.

What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t have the right koalafications.

What kind of shoes does a spy wear? Sneakers.

Why don’t comedians tell unemployment jokes? None of them work.

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo drizzle.

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None—that’s a hardware issue.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

A salesperson came into an office one day and said, “This computer will cut your workload by 50%!” The office manager replied, “Great, I’ll take two of them!”

My wife accused me the other day of being too immature. I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.

What do you call someone who is happy on Mondays? Unemployed.

Good, Clean Jokes for Any Situation

Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.

What do you call 12 people doing the work of one? A committee.

Knock, knock. Who’s There? To. To who? It’s actually “to whom.”

Why didn’t the Terminator upgrade to Windows 10? I asked him and he said, “I still love Vista, baby.”

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.

What kind of award does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.

What did one toilet say to the other? “You look flushed.”

To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

You know what they say about cliffhangers…

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm. I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.

I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?” And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar? He got 12 months!

Why did the giraffe get such bad grades? He always had his head stuck in the clouds.

Why does the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Because he’s afraid he might get a hole in one.

Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!

Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season? No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.

Why is it impossible to starve in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there.

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.

Two antennas decided to get married. The ceremony was pretty boring, but the reception was great!

What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.

Where do snowmen keep their savings? In the snowbank.

What does a vegan zombie like to eat? Graaains.

Did you hear about the carrot detective? He always got to the root of every case.

What’s the difference between a well-dressed cyclist and a scruffy guy on a tricycle? A tire.

What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something.

What do you call a pigeon who can’t find his way home? A pigeon.

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him, so I did. We went out, had a few drinks, saw a movie. Great guy.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How many sailors are Pirates? 3.14%.

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

I like telling dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.

Why won’t skeletons fight each other? They just don’t have the guts.

What did one Frenchman say to the other? No idea, I don’t speak French.

I was raised as an only child—and that got on my brother’s nerves.

Why don’t vampires bet on horses? They can’t handle the stakes.

A man rushed into a doctor’s surgery, shouting, “Help me, please! I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly said, “Now settle down a bit. You’ll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Have you heard the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.

So, if you’re ready to embark on a journey of laughter, explore hilarious collection of clean jokes that will bring smiles and giggles to your world. From puns and one-liners to clever observations and light-hearted anecdotes, the beauty of clean jokes lies in their simplicity and ability to evoke joy for every occasion and every sense of humor. So, sit back, relax, and let the laughter flow as you enjoy funniest clean humor.