108+ Dark Humor Jokes for a Twisted Laugh

Hilarious dark humor jokes are sure to make you chuckle, think and even make your stomach hurt. But also, dark jokes push boundaries and ignite thought-provoking conversations. Let’s be honest, dark humor jokes are not for everyone. This is a place where the absurd meets the profound, the comedic meets the tragic, and where laughter is often found in the most unexpected of places. If you’re in a circle of close friends, these dark jokes make you giggle.

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Best Dark Humor Jokes

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.

The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

dark humor jokes

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

I childproofed my house. Somehow, they still got in.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.

Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

I went to see my dentist and he warned me it was going to hurt. He ended up telling me he was having an affair with my wife.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Today I made a decision to visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, however, they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.

Dark Jokes: Morbid and Funny

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I passed her a glue stick accidentally instead. She still isn’t talking to me.

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So, I packed up my stuff and right.

A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

It turns out that a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

“I work with animals,” a guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he replies.

Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.

dark jokes

What do you call headphones that walk out on their children? Deadbeats.

What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad didn’t beat cancer.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks, Dad,” the son says. The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

Why do some kids only experience 363 days per year? Because they don’t have a Father’s Day.

They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.

I have many jokes about unemployed people—sadly none of them work.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.

My wife of 60 years told me, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” I just sighed and said, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have 10 left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Today, I asked my phone “Alexa, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.

I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.

Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.

Hilarious Dark Jokes

Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? “Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.

What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched with tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”

Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding 32 old guys.

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.

When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”

dark humor

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

What is the difference between Iron man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.

I hope Death is a woman. That way it will never look at me twice.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

“Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!”

What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

“I have good and bad news,” the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened her present yet.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

What’s the difference between a baby and a sweet potato? About 140 calories.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark, and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!

What’s the special dish in a restaurant for cannibals? Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.