60 Adult Jokes to Make You Laugh

These clean jokes are original comic scenarios with fictional narrators. Choose one for the team chat, family dinner, or a friend who’s currently stuck on hold.

Jokes About Work

1. Our team scheduled a meeting to discuss why we have so many meetings. It ran long, so we booked a follow-up.

2. I replied all with “Please remove me from this thread.” Now I’m on a second thread about how to remove people from the first one.

3. I scheduled an hour of focus time. It took forty minutes to choose a calendar color that said “unavailable but approachable.”

4. I labeled my lunch “Budget Forecast.” It’s been in the office fridge for a week, and nobody has opened it.

5. I spent longer polishing my out-of-office message than planning my vacation. Apparently, my strongest work is explaining why I’m not doing any.

6. After years of video calls, I told a coworker standing right in front of me, “I think you’re on mute.” He checked his pockets.

7. Our new printer came with a quick-start guide. It’s forty-eight pages long, and the printer has not started, quickly or otherwise.

8. My résumé says I’m comfortable with ambiguity. Today’s assignment is titled “You Know, That Thing,” so this is my moment.

9. The shared folder has “Final,” “Final Revised,” and “Final Use This One.” I’m saving mine as “Ask Someone Else.”

10. I said “Happy Friday!” so confidently that three people checked their calendars. It was Wednesday, but for a moment I showed real leadership.

11. I changed my LinkedIn headline to “Open to new opportunities.” My neighbor saw it and asked me to water her ferns for two weeks.

12. I reread my email three times, checked the tone, and polished the sign-off. The attachment remained on my desktop, appreciating all this attention from a distance.

13. The team-building exercise was to build a tower out of spaghetti and marshmallows. We discovered our main structural weakness: everybody liked marshmallows.

14. My work password expires every ninety days. I’d appreciate it if my unfinished training modules showed the same initiative.

15. A coworker and I agreed to “grab coffee sometime” in 2021. At this point, I think we’re waiting for the beans to grow.

Jokes About Errands

16. My grocery list says “something for dinner.” I appreciate the direction. It really narrows the store down to the store.

17. The self-checkout says there’s an unexpected item in the bagging area. It’s my purse. It has been my purse every single time. By now, the machine and my purse should be on a first-name basis.

18. I drove across town to use a two-dollar coupon. Parking cost three dollars. I prefer to focus on my success at the register.

19. The post office line was so long that the birthday card I was mailing became a belated birthday card before I reached the counter.

20. At the bank drive-through, I said “Thank you!” to the little tube before the teller could say anything. She said “You’re welcome” over the speaker, and the tube took all the credit.

21. I waved another driver into a parking spot. She waved me in. I waved again. We’ve been there so long that we’re both registered to vote at that address.

22. The hardware store employee asked what I was working on. I said, “A hole in the wall that used to be smaller.”

23. My reusable bags come on every grocery trip. They wait in the car, where they’re apparently in charge of security.

24. The dry cleaner asked for my claim ticket so I could collect my coat. I offered to describe it. Apparently, “the one that makes me look like I have plans” wasn’t specific enough.

25. The automated phone line has announced “recent changes to our menu” for twelve years. I think we’re due to celebrate those changes with an anniversary cake.

26. The clerk asked why I was returning the bread maker. I said, “I bought it for the person I thought I’d become by Saturday.”

27. I spent fifteen minutes comparing dish soap by price per ounce. Saved eleven cents. Please address all correspondence to “Purchasing Director.”

28. The shop sign said, “Back in ten minutes.” I’ve been here twenty. I’m starting to think the ten minutes are nonconsecutive.

29. I spent twenty minutes searching the parking lot for my car before I remembered my sister drove.

30. The car wash told me to put the car in neutral and do nothing. Finally, instructions that make me feel overqualified.

Jokes About Sharing a Home

31. We agreed that whoever cooks doesn’t wash the dishes. Tonight we both made sandwiches. Negotiations are continuing over one butter knife.

32. We have a drawer full of batteries. We don’t know which ones work, but every time the remote stops, we hold auditions.

33. Our thermostat has been nudged between 68 and 71 so many times that it now waits to see who’s home before it does anything.

34. The cereal box in our cupboard is empty, but nobody wants to throw it away. Apparently, this is a display kitchen now.

35. We bought a label maker to organize the house. So far, the junk drawer says “JUNK,” which feels more like a confession than a system.

36. In our house, whoever finds the remote picks the show. Our couch cushions have been searched more thoroughly than carry-on luggage.

37. We bought one new throw pillow. It made the rest of the living room look like a before photo. Apparently, the pillow came with demands.

38. We agreed to watch our show only together. Apparently, “just checking how the next episode starts” can take forty-seven minutes.

39. My family group chat is called “Family,” but it functions as a round-the-clock news service about who last had Aunt Linda’s casserole dish.

40. Our houseplant has survived three moves, a ten-day trip, and long stretches of me forgetting it exists. At this point, I think it’s looking after me.

41. We put a motion-sensor light in the hall. Now every midnight trip for water begins like I’m being introduced at an awards show.

42. We’ve lived together long enough that “Want to go out tonight?” now means “Want to sit in the car in the driveway and finish this podcast episode?”

43. Our doormat says “Welcome.” The cat sits on it and screens applicants.

44. Our washing machine plays a cheerful song when it’s finished. The dryer buzzes like it’s been insulted. They’ve worked side by side for six years, and only one of them likes the job.

45. We put a family calendar on the fridge to stay on top of things. It’s been a huge help. Now we know exactly what we missed.

Jokes About Social Mix-Ups

46. I waved back at someone who was waving at the person behind me. To recover, I kept my hand up and pretended I was hailing a cab. In a grocery store.

47. I was halfway through telling a funny story when I realized my listener was the person it happened to. I graciously offered to let her tell me how it ended.

48. I’ve called my neighbor “Hey, neighbor!” for six years. He just gave me a card signed “Your Neighbor.” The treaty holds.

49. The invitation said “casual.” I changed outfits four times to make it look like I hadn’t thought about it.

50. I held a door open for someone who was much too far away. She had to jog to reach it, I had to keep smiling the entire time, and neither of us wanted any of this.

51. I said goodbye to everyone at the party, then realized my coat was still in the back bedroom. Walking back through the living room felt like a sequel nobody asked for.

52. A friend wished me a happy birthday, and I said, “Thanks, you too!” Her birthday is in March.

53. I accidentally liked a friend’s photo from 2017 while scrolling her page. To make it seem intentional, I commented, “Excellent year.”

54. My phone changed “See you soon” to “See you spoon” in a text to my boss. He replied, “Spoon it is.”

55. After asking someone to repeat herself three times, I laughed politely. She’d asked where I got my coat. Apparently, I bought it somewhere hilarious.

56. I offered to take a group photo. Eight people handed me their phones. Next time, I’m bringing an assistant and charging by the device.

57. I texted “Running five minutes late” to the wrong group chat. Eight people I had no plans with replied, “No problem!”

58. I ran into my childhood piano teacher at the pharmacy and immediately apologized for not practicing. My last lesson was twenty-two years ago.

59. We all politely refused the last dinner roll. Then the host offered to cut it into six pieces. Congratulations to everyone on acquiring a crouton.

60. I tried to end a phone call with “Okay, bye.” She said, “Okay, bye.” I said, “Bye.” She said, “Bye-bye.” It’s been eleven minutes, and we’re both still too polite to hang up.