A good dose of humor can work wonders to uplift spirits and brighten even the gloomiest of days. As we navigate through the complexities of grown-up life, the ability to find joy in the simplest things becomes a treasured skill. From clever one-liners to witty puns and wordplay, these funny jokes for adults will make you laugh no matter how mature you think you are.
Whether it is a quick chuckle shared over coffee with colleagues, a hilarious icebreaker at a social gathering, or a much-needed laughter and relief from the day’s stresses, these adult jokes are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone and crack you up.
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Funny Jokes For Adults
Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay. You have my Word.
Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
You know what they say about cliffhangers…
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm. I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?” And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.” That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Why did the giraffe get such bad grades? He always had his head stuck in the clouds.
What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season? No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.
If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon? It had great food, but no atmosphere.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except for one person.
What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Where do snowmen keep their savings? In the snowbank.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks? A roamin’ Catholic.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He always got to the root of every case.
I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
What washes up on very small beaches? Micro-waves
Wife: “I want another baby.” Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
What did one elevator say to the other? I think I’m coming down with something.
Priest: “Do you have any last requests?” Murderer sitting in the electric chair: “Yes. Can you please hold my hand?”
What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment? They kill people.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells!
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
Why won’t skeletons fight each other? They just don’t have the guts.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
