Looking for perfect jokes to crack up your friends and family? For when you need a fast funny joke, here are best jokes to get anyone giggling. Laughter is the best medicine, and these silly, witty, and cool jokes will have adults and kids laughing until their bellies hurt. From pun-tastic one-liners to classic jokes, explore the world of humor through good jokes that make you laugh out loud, enhance your relationships, and even improve your health.
Table of Contents
Best Jokes
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
They wave!
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick.
I invented a new word!
Plagiarism!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words!
What falls, but never needs a bandage?
The rain.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
How do you make an egg-roll?
You push it!
Where do cows go for entertainment?
To the moo-vies!
I’m not a fan of spring cleaning. Let’s be honest, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-ntain.
Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!
Why did the egg hide?
It was a little chicken.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop!
What did the dirt say to the rain?
If you keep this up, my name will be mud!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
What animal needs to wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
Why couldn’t the sunflower ride its bike?
It lost its petals.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk!
What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
Good Jokes
RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A little old lady?
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
What’s an egg’s favorite vacation spot?
New Yolk City.
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What kind of candy do astronauts like?
Mars bars.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
How does Moses make tea?
He brews.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
What’s the best smelling insect?
A deodor-ant.
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.
What month is the shortest of the year?
May, it only has three letters.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
Why did the math book look so sad?
Because it had so many problems!
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
What did the snail who was riding on the turtle’s back say?
Wheeeee!
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do librarians take when they go fishing?
Book worms!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring?
Pilgrims!
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
A termite walks into a bar and says, “So, is the bar tender here?”
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
Jokes To Make You Laugh Out Loud
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
What does a pig put on dry skin?
Oinkment.
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
It’s two gross.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank!
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
How do you open a banana?
With a mon-key.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Why was the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost?
A cocker-poodle boo.
Why did the picture go to jail?
It was framed!
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
Why do oranges wear sunscreen?
So they don’t peel.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?
Your head hits the ceiling!
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards?
“Dill me in!”
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
How do you keep an elephant from charging?
Take away her credit card!
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
Why did the elephant paint himself different colors?
So he could hide in the crayon box!
How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What building in your town has the most stories?
The public library.
What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato?
Catch up!
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex.
They’re his watch dogs.
Hilariously Funny Jokes to Tell
What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
What is the difference between elephants and grapes?
Grapes are purple.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
“Here come the elephants!”
What is a computer’s favorite snack?
Computer chips.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blue berry!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
How did the pig get to the hogspital?
In a hambulance.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
What has hands but can’t clap?
A clock!
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened?
Close the door, I’m dressing.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because he had a great fall.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
What do you call a dog that can tell time?
A watch dog!
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street?
Traffic jam.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
The snow!
What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
The farmer had cold hands.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them!
Why did the teacher put on sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well-armed.
Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What do you call a pudgy psychic?
A four-chin teller.
How many times can you subtract 10 from 100?
Once. The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
Funniest Jokes to Make Your Friends and Family Laugh
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
Why do strings never win a race?
Because they always tie!
What’s the stinkiest planet?
Poopiter.
What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
How much money does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer.
Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
What did 0 say to 8?
“Nice belt.”
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
Where do young trees go to learn?
Elementree school.
How does a rabbi make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a flower that runs on electricity?
A power plant!
How did the student feel when he learned about electricity?
Totally shocked.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?
Because she was a little horse!
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A Maybe.
Why don’t sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because 7-8-9.
What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
What kind of room doesn’t have doors?
A mushroom!
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All of the fans left.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let go of it!
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A penguin in the washing machine.
What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?
By the bark.
Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?
It needed help figuring out its problems.
Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it.
What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college?
Bison.
Why can’t male ants sink?
They’re buoy-ant.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
