Whether you’re looking to brighten someone’s day with a well-timed joke, planning a fun-filled gathering with friends, or simply want to share a good laugh, these jokes to tell your friends can deliver the perfect punchline for a hearty giggle or a cheeky chuckle. From classic quips to fresh and original humor, these jokes to tell your friends with answers bring out the belly laughs and create cherished memories together.
Laughter is the glue that binds friendships, and what better way to strengthen those bonds than with a hilarious collection of jokes to tell your friends over text! These witty one-liners, clever puns, and hilarious anecdotes are sure to tickle your funny bone and bring smiles to the faces of your closest companions.
Table of Contents
Good Jokes To Tell Your Friends
What do dentists call their X-rays? Tooth pics!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon.
Why are toilets always so good at poker? They always get a flush.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Grandma: Back in our days, you could buy bread, milk, soaps, spices, eggs, meat, all for a dollar.
Little Kid: You can’t do that now. They have CCTVs everywhere!
Why should you never trust stairs? They are always up to something.
When your teacher asks “Where’s your homework?” It took a sick day. It had too many problems.
Can you fix broken tomatoes? Yes, make them into a paste.
You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
What kind of music do mummies enjoy? Wrap music!
Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda? Because it’s a soft drink!
My broom was late because it overswept last night.
Why did the mushrooms get invited to all the best parties? He was a fun-gi!
Which dog can perform magic? Only a Labracadabrador!
What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
Did you know that best friends would not mind if your place is clean. All they need is beer.
You may share all your secrets with me. They can be safe with my friends.
While I was wondering how the ball was turning bigger in size, my friend hit me with it.
Do you consider me your friend? Then be ready to pick my call 100 times a day.
Yes buddy, I am ready to take a bullet from you. But only if you give me 1000 dollars.
What if I say that potatoes can quarrel as they cannot see eye to eye.
My boyfriend wanted a holiday so I sat home.
My best friend is like pepperoni on pizza. Nevermind, it sounds right to me.
Did you know that friends who like to work on algebra are called algebros?
My friend got all cut. What? Yeah, he’s gone bald.
Dumb Jokes To Tell Your Friends
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered.
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.”
What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.
Working in a mirror factory is something I could totally see myself doing.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!”, shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
Can February March? No, but April May!
What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog!
You can never listen to a construction joke as it is always ‘work in progress.’
What bottoms do clouds wear? Umm, thunderpants!
The towel keeps asking if its job is to dry people or get wet.
My friend ate a clock. She said it was time-consuming.
Good news to share. I got a negative in my IQ test.
Somebody told me to taste happiness after getting married. It’s been 10 years, and I haven’t tasted it yet.
What is the difference between in-law and outlaw? Well, the latter is welcomed.
Funniest Jokes To Tell Your Friends
Why was the torch happy? It was lit.
Why is the bullet not at work today? He got fired.
What gets more wet the more it dries? A towel!
What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it did not peel well.
How do you measure a snake? In inches — they do not have feet.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
“Why the big pause?”, asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
I had been to an emotional wedding. Even the wedding cake was in tiers.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
What is Minnie Mouse’s favorite car? It is a Minnie van.
Why were the parents so afraid of the energy drink? It was a Monster!
What do pampered cows produce? Spoiled milk.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? It was afraid of the bark! Its bark scared him?
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator
What does a house wear? Address!
How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste!
Stupid Jokes To Tell Your Friends
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is… Wait, where are we again?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.
Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.
Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
I told my doctor that I had broken my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
I wanted to tell you a construction joke, but I cannot. Because it is still a work in progress!
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much since I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
How come teddy bears never want to eat anything? Because they’re always stuffed.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What’s a plant’s favorite drink? Root beer!
Who cleans the ocean? Mer-maids!
A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway.
Just finished a box of Corn Flakes. You can check out my cereal killer Netflix special next Tuesday.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
I invented a new word! Plagiarism!
The scientist says you should not trust atoms. Why? Since they keep making up everything.
The computers went dancing to the Disc-Os.
If you are thinking of talking to giants, then don’t forget to use big words.
Why does the witch keep teaching? Because her favorite subject is SPELLING.
How does the sea greet? By waving.
Who are the ancestors of snow men? Water.
I have a friend and enemy in one. How? She eats my food.
Trees have plenty of friends because they keep branching out.
Funny ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes To Tell Your Friends
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open, or am I stuck out here?
Knock knock! Who is there? Spell. Spell who? W-H-O.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Jimmy. Jimmy who? Jimmy crack corn, and I don’t care!
Knock knock! Who is there? Turnip. Turnip who? Turnip this song! It is my favorite!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Really? You don’t look like a shoe.
Knock knock! Who is there? Nana. Nana who? Nana your business.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the peep hole and find out.
Knock knock! Who is there? Cows go. Cows go who? No cows go moo.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Nun Nun who? Nun of your business!
Knock knock! Who is there? Justin. Justin who? Just in the neighborhood, thought I would stop by.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in it’s cold out here.
Knock knock! Who is there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use. I forgot my name again!
Knock knock! Who is there? Dejav. Dejav who? Knock! Knock!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Closure. Closure who? Closure mouth while you’re chewing!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alice. Alice who? Alice fair in love and war.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive, you and I don’t care who knows it!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin you—hand over the cash!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Euripides. Euripides who? Euripides clothes, you pay for them!
Knock! Knock! Who’s there? Stopwatch Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you’re doing and pay attention!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Rhino! Rhino who? Rhino, every knock-knock joke there is!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, there’s no point!
Jokes To Tell Your Friends Over Text
What do you call the process of aging for snowmen? Evaporation.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier.
Father: Son, did you give fresh water to your pet goldfish?
Son: Nope. They are yet to finish the water that I gave to them last week!
What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc already.
Kid: Where do pirates go when they are sick?
Kid: They go to the dock!
What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I’m coming down with something.
Wife: Here, look at that drunk guy. We were supposed to get married 10 years ago.
Me: Wow, he is still celebrating. Lucky guy!
Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
Boy: How many lips does a flower have?
Dad: How many?
An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well.
Boy: How does a squid prepare itself for battle?
Boy: It goes to a battle well-armed!
Why were the fish’s grades so bad? It was below sea level.
Student: Do you know what you will get if you ever cross a vampire with a snowman?
Teacher: I don’t know. What will you get?
Student: You will get frostbite!
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
What do you have when both your son and daughter text you to lend them $100 each? You have $200 and two unread messages on your cell phone!
What did I reply when my wife texted that she is having a terribly stressful day at work and is losing her entire mind? I texted back, ‘Relax. It’s just in your head’.
How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
What did the college student do when he needed to get in-text citations for his paper on insurance and finance? He decided that he would get a quote!
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
Me: It’s movie night. Are we having any friends over?
Rick: Ten people are coming. We need thirteen more.
Rick: Because it is a 13+ movie.
What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
The guy who invented auto-correct for smartphones passed away today. Restaurant in peace.
Little boy: Which is the only instrument that is an absolute favorite among all skeletons?
Little girl: No idea. What is it?
Little boy: It is a trom-bone!
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved.
Husband: What is the best way to define a pile made out of simply cats?
Wife: What do you call it?
Husband: You must call it a meow-ntain!
So, gather your pals and get ready to unleash the power of laughter with funniest jokes to tell your friends. Remember that there’s no better feeling than enjoying a good joke with the people who make life all the more enjoyable!