Love is a precious and powerful emotion capable of bringing together two different people from different backgrounds and cultures. But it is not something that just happens; it is something that is made – it is a conscious decision we make. Love is a choice that requires us to be brave and vulnerable, but one worth making.
When it comes to relationships, many believe that love is a feeling that comes naturally, something we cannot control. But what if love was an active choice? What if we choose to love and nurture our relationships instead of letting emotions dictate our decisions? This article will explore the idea of making conscious, mindful decisions to show love and what that could mean for creating lasting, fulfilling relationships.
Have you ever felt the pull of a deep bond connecting you and another person? Could this bond be the result of love, a powerful emotion that transcends beyond language and boundaries? We can explore the wonders of love and how it is indeed a choice rather than a feeling we cannot control. Discover how to consciously choose love in all aspects of your daily life and recognize the power of its transformative effects.
Is Love A Choice Or A Feeling?
It is a common question asked by many people whether love is a choice or a feeling. Unfortunately, many misperceptions shroud this question. For some, love is a feeling; for some, it is a choice; for others, it is neither a choice nor a feeling. It is a mystery wrapped in uncertainties and heartbreaks.
Is love a matter of choice? Love is a choice and a decision because you are in control of how you act in your relationships. But also, love is both a matter of choice and a strong feeling. While feelings can change over time, love is more stable.
In this article, I will try to demystify this mystery. Love is a choice, not just a feeling. But how? Let’s dissect it.
What is the common criterion of people to calibrate love?
Most people calibrate love with the touchstone of emotions. If you are bulldozed by emotions upon seeing someone, in most cases, it is considered love. But it is a wrong perception of love. The duration of feelings is always uncertain. Who knows whether the feelings will remain in the future or not.
Our chemistry works best under optimum conditions. We can’t feel high all the time. One day, the euphoria will be subdued. If your love depends upon feelings, where does it go when the feelings fade away? It is the real hack. When we don’t feel about someone, we think that our partner has been changed. The fact is neither your partner nor you have been changed; it is the feeling now gone with the winds.
When we fall in love with someone, we feel high. We float freely in the ocean of emotions. It is a pleasurable experience. But it comes with its troughs. When you miss the commitment to wade through the muddy waters of life, your love can be converted into thorns. You might have seen many lovers in distress after the initial phase of ecstasy. Their problem is to see love with narrow glasses of feelings or emotions.
Love is not a feeling. Its purpose is not to give you an initial euphoria and then go. Instead, it demands a lifelong commitment. Here comes the difficult part of being in love. There is a difference between feeling love for someone and loving someone. There is a difference between caring about someone and choosing to love that person. One is temporary, and another is permanent.
Love is a hard choice
Feelings might give you a simple criterion about your inclinations. From this, you can deduct sensible choices. These choices are the following. What is your standard for choosing a partner? Do you prefer beauty or intellect? How much do you prefer chemistry and logic? Are you inclined towards humorous people? Why do you want to have a partner?
These questions and their subsequent answers will depend upon your choices. Love is a choice. Once you choose something, then you accept all the shortcomings of that thing. The same is true for love. Your partner is a normal person like you. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. The real thing is to accept someone with flaws. With good, there comes bad. Love is a process of dialectics. If you want positivity, you have to focus on positivity while compromising negativity. It is your choice whether to kick-start the action of love or not. The switch is in your hand. You are the real controller, not your feelings.
Commitment matters in love
Behind every long-lasting habit, there is a commitment. The same is true for being in love. If you put yourself in auto mode, then you are being controlled by feelings. Take control of your life into your hands. The moment you commit to living life with a particular person, you give endurance to your love. Without commitment, your love would be unstable, and your life would be miserable.
Relationship demands investment. You have to invest your time and emotions to stabilize a relationship. Focus on the positive aspects of your partner. Try to propagate positivity in your relationship. You must have solid reasons in your mind to commit to somebody. With choice comes responsibility. After evaluating all the available options, choose your partner.
Human relations are not commodities that can be exchanged in case of displeasure. You have to spend your life with the person of your choice. There is no one perfect in this world. It is you and your partner who complete each other. Love is a choice, and commitment is the soul of love.
What do psychologists say about it?
Famous American anthropologist Hellen Fisher has huge research on the phenomenon of love. She tells us that love is the response to our primitive biological nature. The instinct of survival and reproduction is best preserved when both partners love each other. Females need those males who can commit to them for such a long time. It was the necessity of ancient times when females needed strong men to take care of their children. Nature wants commitment from us. If you invest yourself in your children, nature rewards you in the form of an ideal family unit. Love is all about commitment. When you start doubting your commitment, you start losing your passion.
Life is all about choices. At every moment, we are making choices. It is better to differentiate here between the love depicted in the movie and real-life love. Real life is not without its shortcomings. You have to compromise on some spots and continue to live. This is what life demands.
Here are some ways to find the answer for “am I ready for a relationship?”
Love deepens with time
Have you seen a couple deeply entrenched in love for the past ten or twenty years? After spending a lot of time together, they make their life harmonious. Love deepens with time. Love is like wine. It becomes precious over time. Old couples bear a very positive perception of love in their mind. Their relationship is healthy and comfortable. To get the fruits of your choice, you have to wait until it ripens. These lovebirds are now proud of their choices. Their life is not devoid of disagreements and bad times, but they know how to balance both good and bad in a relationship. That is the key to a healthy relationship.
Whether it’s Agape, Philia, Eros, or Platonic love, all work on the dictum of choice.
Love is greater than a feeling
True love demands sacrifice. Your love can’t be ripe until it goes through the process of pain. Mother loves her child because she gets her after a struggle of nine months. She has invested in her baby since the day of inception. Her love is not a mumbo jumbo of euphoric feelings for her child.
The same is the case when it comes to romantic love. It will perish if you do not water the sapling of romantic love. It needs proper pruning and care. This care comes with a choice. If you don’t commit to it, it will go away. Committed individuals see love as something greater than a feeling. They consider it a temperament, a lifestyle. Love can only solidify your relationship when it is baked in the kiln of time. Your beloved one is like your dress. The most basic purpose of clothing is to cover the body. Your partner covers your flaws in the same fashion.
Love is not all about showing your best part to the other. It is also to familiarize your partner with your negative side. Someone said that the essence of love begins when infatuation ends. It is very true. You only know another person’s real temperament in boiling situations. The true test of your love is the trials and hardships of life.
True love evolves
I don’t know whether you believe in the theory of evolution or not. But when it comes to love, it evolves. It refines itself with time. True love is like a flame. It starts spontaneously, but you have to protect that flame from blowing it off. Together, you have to work on it. Genuine admiration comes with time. Love is not skin deep. You might like someone based on looks. But you can’t love on the same basis.
There is a difference between love and infatuation. There is a difference between self-serving and self-sacrificing love. True love is self-sacrificing in nature. There is no selfishness in love. True love is unconditional. It only comes with time. For this, you have to be committed.
Hopefully, this article will help you to distinguish between infatuation and true love. It will give you the answer that love is a series of choices. It is not something ephemeral. It feeds on commitment. Evaluate yourself and choose your partner sanely. A French proverb at the end: love is friendship set on fire.
Here you can find everything you need to know about committed relationship.