80 Funny Texts to Send Your Boyfriend

When your last few texts have been about schedules and dinner, a little nonsense can be a good change of subject. Pick a line that sounds like you—whether that’s a shameless flirt, a tiny domestic disaster, or an unnecessarily serious question about raccoons.

Quick Texts for an Out-of-Nowhere Laugh

1. I walked into a room and forgot why. I’ve decided it was to think about you. Nice to finally complete a task.
2. I nearly sent you a voice note, but I listened back and apparently I was reporting live from inside a sock.
3. My phone just told me my screen time is up. Bold words from the device that’s also holding all my pictures of you.
4. I just said “ow” before I hit my knee on the table. Apparently I can predict the future, but only the useless parts.
5. You know that cool, relaxed person you’re dating? Anyway, I just waved back at someone who was waving at a bus.
6. Saw a dog in a raincoat. He looked late for a meeting about puddles.
7. I found money in my coat pocket and immediately thanked myself. Finally, a wealthy benefactor who understands me.
8. I tried to wink at myself in the mirror. It looked like I’d gotten shampoo in my eye. We’ll have to communicate attraction some other way.
9. My brain has selected one song to play all day. No requests, no refunds, and apparently it only knows six seconds of it.
10. I folded a fitted sheet. It’s technically a knot, but I put it in the closet with confidence.
11. You’re cute. Please imagine I said that very smoothly and didn’t immediately catch my sleeve on a door handle.
12. I was going to send a mysterious, intriguing text. Instead: would you eat a pancake the size of a mattress?
13. I was just thinking about how much I like you. Then I saw a really excellent stick. Big day for favorites.
14. I just lost a staring contest with a cat through a window. He had home-field advantage.
15. I like that you have a favorite shirt and several identical backup shirts in case it gets nervous.
16. You’re lucky I don’t text you every thought I have. This would be part 14 of a documentary about a weird potato.

Funny, Flirty Texts

17. I have a very detailed plan for when I see you: kiss you. The details are mostly where to put my bag.
18. You rolled up your sleeves and now I’m interested in whatever boring task you’re doing. Please continue sorting the mail.
19. Our next date should involve slow dancing. I have two moves, and one is apologizing for stepping on you.
20. Our Saturday plans are ambitious: cuddle on the couch, briefly consider going out, congratulate ourselves on staying in.
21. I’d save you the last fry. I wouldn’t be gracious about it, but it would be yours.
22. I was trying to be cool about you. Then you smiled and I mentally packed us a picnic. Absolutely no chill.
23. Come over later. I picked a movie with a plot I can afford to miss.
24. I described you as “cute” today. Huge understatement. Didn’t want to hold everyone up.
25. I think we should practice kissing more. We’re already good at it, but I’m willing to be unnecessarily thorough.
26. I want to flirt with you in person. Over text you can’t see how I start next to you and somehow end up in your lap.
27. Let’s dress up and get takeout. I want to admire you across a candlelit table while we pass the sauce packets.
28. You looked very kissable this morning. That’s not useful feedback for your workday, but I’m submitting it anyway.
29. Thinking about sitting beside you and casually resting my hand on your leg. “Casually” is doing a lot of work in that sentence.
30. I’m trying to flirt subtly, but every version of this text is just me waving at you from increasingly close distances.
31. Your hoodie is at my place. I could return it, but then you’d have one fewer reason to come over, and I don’t make reckless decisions.
32. I want a hug where neither of us can reach our phones. If we need to know the weather, we’ll look at a window like pioneers.

Texts That Make an Ordinary Day More Entertaining

33. Lunch update: I’ve been staring into the fridge for ten minutes like it owes me an answer. It’s all condiments and ambition.
34. The printer says it’s out of paper. I can see paper. We’re both going to need a minute before this discussion continues.
35. The hold music has looped so many times that I know when the flute gets its big moment. Honestly, it’s the only one here advancing its career.
36. Went to buy dish soap. Came home with a tiny decorative bowl. The dishes remain dirty, but now they have art to look at.
37. The work chat is arguing about where the stapler belongs. I have no stake in this, yet I’ve chosen a side and dislike the opposition.
38. Tried to carry every grocery bag in one trip. A lime escaped and rolled ahead of me like it was clearing the route.
39. A pigeon walked in front of the automatic doors and they opened for him. I guess he’s the manager.
40. My phone changed “I’ll be there soon” to “I’ll be there soup.” Honestly, I’d also like that to be an option.
41. I’ve read so many toothpaste labels that I now have opinions about enamel. Date night conversation is going to be electric.
42. Rotated my plant so it gets even sunlight. It’s the only member of this household with a personalized wellness plan.
43. I heated up my coffee, forgot it, and heated it up again. At this point it’s less a drink and more a rehearsal.
44. Spent half the video call trying to look attentive. Then someone said my name and I waved. Like we were passing on boats.
45. The recipe said “prep time: ten minutes.” I’ve been trying to open the package of spinach for eight. Strong start.
46. My computer has asked me to restart three times. I keep clicking “later” like we’re negotiating bedtime.

Funny Ways to Say You Miss Him

47. I miss having you here to taste something and tell me whether it’s good or I’m just hungry. My toast is getting unfairly glowing reviews.
48. I miss you in a very specific way: I keep saying “you’d love this” to nobody, and a stranger just looked up.
49. Pizza without you means I get every slice. I thought this would be a bigger consolation.
50. I wish you were here. I just saw something weird and had to make eye contact with myself in a shop window.
51. When I see you, I’d like one of those hugs where we start talking but never actually let go. Expect the world’s least efficient conversation.
52. I opened our show, remembered we’re watching it together, and watched the preview instead. Even that felt like a loophole.
53. I’m being normal about missing you. I saw two squirrels together and thought, good for them.
54. Wish you were here for this walk. Alone, I’m just a person laughing at a text. With you, we’d be a much more respectable public nuisance.
55. Our reunion plan: walk calmly, maintain composure, abandon both within four seconds.
56. I miss telling you stories in person. Over text, you can’t see me playing all six characters, including the revolving door.
57. Your side of the conversation is currently being played by me in a terrible impression of you. Reviews are mixed. I miss the original cast.
58. The next time I see you still feels too far away. I checked the calendar twice, as if the second look might unlock a secret shortcut.

Absurd Questions He Can Play Along With

59. If we ran a bakery with only one pastry, would you call it exclusive or would I have to admit we forgot the other recipes?
60. If we accidentally became royalty, how long before you tried to knight the delivery guy for bringing extra sauce?
61. Would you trust a raccoon to do our taxes if he wore little glasses, or is that exactly how they get you?
62. If our relationship had a gift shop, would the bestseller be a tiny couch or a mug that says “We’re Leaving in Five Minutes”?
63. If we worked at a haunted house, which one of us would get fired for apologizing after every scare?
64. Which of us could give the more convincing motivational speech to a robot vacuum trapped under a chair?
65. If I got turned into a tiny dragon, would you build me a castle or put me in charge of toasting your bagels?
66. What would your professional wrestling entrance look like if your entire budget were $12 and whatever’s in my kitchen?
67. Would you rather have dramatic entrance music every time you enter a room or a tiny announcer who introduces whatever snack you’re eating?
68. If we were detectives, would we solve the case or spend the whole day arguing about which one of us gets to say “I’ve got a hunch”?
69. If aliens asked why humans kiss, would you give a serious explanation or immediately volunteer us for the demonstration?
70. If we had to sneak a giraffe into a hotel, would you handle reception or the extremely unconvincing disguise?

Texts Built Around Your Shared Quirks

Swap any bracketed detail for your own snack, show, nickname, or harmless running debate.

71. We spent longer picking a restaurant than we spent eating. Next time I’m bringing snacks for the decision-making part.
72. We keep pausing movies to point out the dog. Somewhere, a director spent months on that plot and lost to a blurry beagle.
73. I bought [snack] for us. I’ve been carefully checking every handful for quality. You’re welcome, and we may need another bag.
74. We’re so good at quoting [our show] that we could watch it on mute. Which would give us more room to interrupt.
75. We both reached for the last slice and neither of us flinched. We’re either deeply in love or in a standoff.
76. I did our little dance in the kitchen. We need to give it a name so I can explain myself if a neighbor asks.
77. Someone called me by my real name. After all this time being [nickname], it sounded like I was about to get a parking ticket.
78. Our good-morning texts are mostly weird noises now. If anyone reads them, we’re going to have to explain that neither of us is a rescued bird.
79. I saw a poll about [our debate]. I voted for my side, then checked the results like it was election night. Very dignified behavior.
80. We say goodbye, then talk for ten more minutes, then wave again. At this point, leaving you is a group project with no leadership.