230+ Best Funny Love Quotes

With a little humor, you can gives a whole new meaning to your relationship. Funniest love quotes will bring you closer to each other with a laugh.

Regardless of how you define it, love can often be hard to express, but with I want you quotes, you can put into words. Express affection with romantic flirty quotes and famous love quotes of some of the most famous writers, actors, and even philosophers from history.

Funny Love Quotes

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside – Made in Taiwan. – Leopold Fetchner

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

funny love quotes

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. – Will Ferrell

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. – Russell Brand

I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Especially when I am all alone with you!

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb

You want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. – Rita Rudner

I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. – Judith Viorst

cute funny love quotes

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.

If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. – Chelsea Peretti

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. – Franklin P. Jones

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. – Natasha Leggero

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

cutest funny love quotes

I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …’ – Felicia Michaels

Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. – Garry Shandling

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.

If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’

It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage. – Ambrose Bierce

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar

best funny love quotes

Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner. – Jerry Seinfeld

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans

The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz

You must be made of Iodine, Livermorium, and Uranium because I Lv U!

You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis

My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.

Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. – Chelsea Handler

Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me send you this message!

Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.

I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.

Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.

You’re the obi wan for me.

better funny love quotes

Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?

You’re the cheese to my macaroni.

Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.

Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.

Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up.

Besides chocolate, you’re my favorite.

Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!

I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.

I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.

Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – J. P. Senn

My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. – Elayne Boosler

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

Together with you is my favorite place to be.

happy funny love quotes

Let’s be weird and wonderful together.

It’s amazing how one day someone walks into your life, and then the next day you wonder how you lived without them.

When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. – Richard Lewis

Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. – Kathy Mohnke

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. – Bill Maher

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. – Professor Irwin Corey

You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.

If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something. – Fran Lebowitz

happiest funny love quotes

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. – Tim Allen

As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. – Ralphie May

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. – Cindy Garner

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen

If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. – Katherine Mansfield

Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do. – Bettina Arndt

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. – Erich Segal

You’re just like bacon, beer and chocolate – you make everything better.

Let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. – Richard Pryor

I love you more than beer, and I really love beer.

I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.

real funny love quotes

You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.

Loss for words? Give that person a hug. It’s worth a thousand and more. Plus, it’s free.

You’re the cheese on top of my spaghetti, the cream on top of my frappuccino and the cheesecake on my red velvet cake.

You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog.

A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer and the corniest person in the room.

I love you from my head tomatoes.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. – Rodney Dangerfield

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.

I want someone who will pause his game just to answer my call.

You’ll know a person is in love when he can laugh like a fool by himself and keeps a goofy smile plastered on his face all day long.

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

constant funny love quotes

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and think… Damn, he is one lucky man.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner

I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75. – Rob Delaney

Stop waiting for your prince on a white horse. Go and find him. The poor man might be lost or stuck on an island or something.

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen. – Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason

Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. – Helen Gurley Brown

I had a dream that i still loved you. I think I woke up screaming. – Christine

Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills. – Jessica Martin

sweet funny love quotes

It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes. – Lucille Ball

Forever is a long time, make sure you spend it with someone who makes you laugh!

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. Now who’s asking the questions? – Jack Handy

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. – Les Dawson

People should fall in love with their eyes closed. – Andy Warhol

Every girl deserves a guy that can make her smile even when she doesn’t want to.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies. – Mindy Kaling

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

Relationships are like a walk in the park. – Jurassic Park.

sweetest funny love quotes

A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true. – Steve Martin as Harris Telemacher in L.A. Story

Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry out the trash. – Joyce Brothers

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to “Unstable”.

If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”.

When a woman says “What?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

Women love a self-confident bald man. – Larry David

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.

I love you enough to make our iPhone-Samsung relationship work.

All I know is one of us is right and the other one is you.My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. – Rodney Dangerfield

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. – Johnny Carson

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early. – Jack Benny

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

inspiring funny love quotes

Getting into a relationship may seem tempting, but so was getting on the Titanic and look what happened there.

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud. – Whitney Cummings

The four most important words in any marriage: “I’ll do the dishes”.

Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. – Megan Mullally

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. – Steven Wright

My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. – J.A. Redmerski

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henry Youngman

Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

My last love is just like that thong peter griffin borrowed from me… Never getting it back. – Refinnej Sin

You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. – Hussein Nishah

In any perfect relationship men should remember it’s a matter of direction; she takes what’s right and you take what’s left. – Solitaire Parke

Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore. – Bree Luckey

inspiriational funny love quotes

My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. – Rodney D

Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock. – Jewish Proverbangerfield

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – Jules Renard

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. – Bob Hope

We’re like Romeo & Juliet.. Except for the dying part of course. – Justina

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. – Judith Viorst

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

The more she turned right the more I turned wrong. – Mark W. Boyer

A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place. – Rowland

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. – Woody Allen

important funny love quotes

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.

Love is the same as “like” except you feel sexier. – Judith Viorst

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? – Lilly Tomlin

The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want? – Freud

Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. – Tommy Dewar

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. – David Bissonette

If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. – Plato

A person in love partly becomes a poet, a composer, and the corniest person in the room.

Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

I love you and it’s getting worse. – Joseph E. Morris

significant funny love quotes

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – Coleridge

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

I solemnly swear I am up to no good especially when I am all alone with you.

You are the pain in my butt, the dent in my wallet and the scratches in my brand new car that I don’t mind.

Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlist. – James Garner

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. – Arturo Toscanini

This is as close as I can get to describing it – a hot pancake with butter melting on top and a steaming cup of coffee as soon as I open my eyes. That’s how wonderful it is to wake up knowing you are mine and I am yours.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks; it looks easy until you try it. – Helen Rowland

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

endless funny love quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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