171+ Funny Birthday Wishes, Messages and Jokes

These funniest birthday wishes for everyone in your life will make them smile and their day a little happier. It is a fun way to say happy birthday with creative birthday messages, whether add one of best funny birthday wishes to your loved one’s birthday card or say it in person.

Here you can find hilarious funny birthday messages, greetings, and jokes for him, her, friends, and family members. Let wish them an amazing day full of love and laughter with all the pun things they can handle.

Table of Contents

Funniest Birthday Wishes

May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex-lovers. Happy birthday!

I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I’m returning the favor. Happy Birthday!

You’re not old. You’re aged to perfection.

You don’t look a day over 16! From a distance, with my eyes closed. Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday! May you live to be old and toothless.

On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship… and all that stuff that doesn’t cost anything. Happy Birthday!

Stop counting the candles on your birthday cake- you will get tired. Have a blast today.

You’re still hot after all these years… just not as hot as your birthday cake will be once all those candles are lit!

It’s your birthday, the anniversary of the day you triumphantly escaped from your mother’s womb. So, that’s pretty cool.

It’s your birthday? Let’s get up to some mischief!

funny birthday wishes

Remember that growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional!

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Blow me, says your lighted candle! Happy birthday buddy.

Happy Birthday! For your special day I made you a cake. BOOM YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.

There’s nothing to be worried about getting old. Look at you; you are old and still doing great. Happy Birthday dear oldy.

Another birthday? You’re going to need a bigger cake… or smaller candles!

They say take every birthday with a grain of salt. I say take it with a whole bunch of salt, and bonus points if it accompanies a very large margarita. Make yours a double. Happy birthday!

A wise man once said, “Forget about your past – you cannot change it.” I’d like to add: “Forget about your present – I didn’t get you one.”

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest. Happy Birthday.

Happy birthday! I hope you get dope and happiness. Sorry, hope and happiness.

funny happy birthday wishes

Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!

Congratulations on reaching a new level in the game called life. Have a fun birthday!

Don’t fret over another birthday. You were already old.

I always limit my budget on buying birthday gifts according to what that person gave me as a gift on my birthday. Enjoy your gift of nothing!

Happy birthday! I hope you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one, naked and screaming.

You’re how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.

You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents. Happy Birthday!

May your birthday cake be moist, and may no one use that word to describe it.

Another year closer to getting those senior citizen seats on buses! Happy birthday.

I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!

You have been alive for so many years, and all you have gained in life is a big fat belly. That’s a big achievement for the loser. Happy Birthday!

Your birthday is the perfect time to recognize all your wonderful qualities, including the fact that you’re older than me.

Funny Happy Birthday Messages

Forget about the past you can’t change, the future you can’t predict, and definitely forget about the present because I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday!

It’s OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.

As you grow silver hair and gain wrinkles, know that you’re gaining wisdom!

Another birthday comes by with more candles on your cake and less hairs on your head!

Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you… But hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.

Happy birthday, love. I thought of getting you the best present ever. Sadly, I’m too big to fit in the gift box.

Don’t worry about having another birthday. Your body may be piling up the years, but your mental age continues to stagger along in the single digits.

Happy birthday! May your heart today be as full as your Facebook wall will be with birthday messages from people you’ve never spoken to.

You know, they say that age is all in your mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.

Another day older is another day to chug more cake.

funny birthday messages

On your birthday you might be thinking “Oh man I’m getting old”, but don’t worry. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing dumb stuff. You’ll just be doing it slower. Happy birthday!

I hope you enjoy your birthday just like when you were born in this world. Without clothes.

Happy birthday to my brother who has the world’s greatest sister! You are so lucky haha! Hope this makes you smile and shake your head for the rest of your special day!

Everyone grows old but not everyone can grow wise. Please don’t be sad, my friend. Not everyone needs wisdom too. Happy Birthday!

May your birthday be filled with all the happiness and joy that an immoderate amount of alcohol can provide.

Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!

Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

You know what they say about more candles … a bigger wish!

I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.

Once in many years, people with great passion and brilliance are born into this world who aims at the greater things in life. And today one of them would like to wish you a very happy birthday.

funny happy birthday messages

Happy birthday, my dearest friend! Hope you have the best day celebrating. I can’t wait to BOOP you on the nose in a few short months. Love you always.

Age is just a number, just like your salary. They keep increasing every year! So, why feel sad for one and happy for the other. Cheers to your birthday!

May you have loads of fun on your birthday. Remember: Not only does wine getter better with age, but age gets better with wine!

Happy birthday, dearest. Hope to live long enough to post your wrinkled face and toothless photos.

Friends celebrate friends on their birthdays. Real friends get you drunk on your birthday. Good thing for you I’m the second kind.

You might be prehistoric, but at least you’re not extinct!

Even with your ripe old age, you’re still the best friend someone could ask for. I’ll get the prune juice ready though.

Happy birthday! I think it’s great… How you used to be young.

I was going to give you something awesome for your birthday, but they wouldn’t let me courier myself to you. Hence, Happy Birthday!

Even with your ripe old age, you’re still the best friend someone could ask for. I’ll get the prune juice ready though. Happy Birthday.

Happy birthday to someone who is too sweeter than sugar and spicy than Mexican chili.

Another year closer to getting the old citizen privileges! Happiest birthday, have a great one.

It’s your birthday, you know what that means. Time for you to smile awkwardly while friends and family botch your birthday song. Good times!

Happy birthday to the only person I would rescue in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Short Funny Birthday Wishes

Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years… wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?

Happy birthday old man! I hope this year is full of happiness, Depends, prune juice and compression socks.

I wish almighty embraces you with luck to follow up those dreams and also a bucket of water to wake you up from them.

Another delicious cake is going to be wasted today for the birthday of a useless person whose existence in this world makes no difference at all. Happy Birthday to that person!

Here’s to many more rotations around the sun. May you live to be old and toothless – Jell-O is the caviar of the future! Happy Birthday.

Hope you will not get sad over the number of candles on your cake. Many happy returns of the day, my love.

Today, anyone not mentioning in their wishes that you have gotten old and ugly is a liar. Anyway, Happy Birthday dear, you are aging beautifully each year!

I mean, you have ME so I don’t know what else you have to wish for…but go off I guess…Happy birthday!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

short funny birthday wishes

If anyone calls you old, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them.

The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet. Happy birthday!

Congratulations on getting slightly older!

One more year of warming your butt on my couch. Happy birthday!

You are just as annoying as you were on day one. Stay the same and have a happy birthday!

Even if I was smoking cracks, I would still see the sign of aging on your face. How could anyone not notice that? Happy Birthday dear but you have to accept the truth!

Is it hotter in here than usual? Must be all the candles on your cake. Happy birthday!

You’re not old! …oh, no, wait, actually you are, sorry about that…

Have a whaley great birthday!

Your birthday is the perfect excuse to get drunk on a weekday. Bottoms up!

Happy birthday buddy. Don’t you worry about getting so old. That was something that happened years ago.

At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober… Disappoint them. Happy Birthday!

sarcastic birthday wishes

You have officially gotten past the teenage years. It’s time to be mature and stop expecting birthday gifts from people. Happy Birthday!

If you are good at something, don’t do it for free. And if you are good at nothing, just shut up and don’t ask for a gift. Happy Birthday!

Fun fact: Having a good birthday is 90% mental and 10% alcohol. Start the pouring, and happy birthday!

It is your birthday, you BATTER believe it!

Happy birthday man, and if someone calls you old, whack him with your walking stick.

You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, don’t be sad. At least you are not as old as you are going to be the next year. Be happy thinking about that!

Well done – you have still been alive for several years!

A star was born on this day. I mean, you were too. But I’m referring to a celebrity.

Happy Birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.

Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday queen.

Take two pieces of cake, one in each hand and you’ll be on a balanced diet.

Funny Birthday Greetings

You have been here for a long time, perhaps since the age of the cave people. No wonder why you are so backdated. Happy Birthday!

The night is still young, but you, my friend, aren’t anymore. Let’s still party, though!

Happy birthday! I’m really glad you were born today. My life would be so totally boring without you there to watch.

I wouldn’t say you’re old… you’ve just been young for longer than most of us.

What goes up and never goes down? Your age.

Happy birthday to a guy who still isn’t showing his age… And definitely not acting it.

Wishing the most beautiful and intelligent person I know a great day. That’s me. And to you a very happy birthday.

You know you’re 40 when your back is hairier than your head. Happy Birthday!

It’s a very good day to identify all the liars around you. Don’t get fooled by the one that tells you you are still young and beautiful. Happy Birthday

funny birthday greetings

I’m pretty sure you are missing your childhood so much. That’s exactly what people do when they get old. Happy Birthday!

To an amazing friend on their birthday, my only regret is not meeting you sooner so I could have annoyed you longer. Happy birthday!

Don’t grow up… It’s a trap!

How does a cat celebrate its birthday? By turning up the mewsic.

Happy birthday to one old lady who still knows how to party! You rock!

Happy birthday gal, I am political enough to remember your birth date but to forget your age.

Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!

You might be getting bigger, but sure as hell, your intelligence isn’t. Enjoy the birthday anyway.

Some people are old, some are beautiful and some are both. You are not old enough to be called ‘old’ and certainly not good looking enough to be called ‘beautiful. Happy Birthday!

Your birthday is becoming a serious fire hazard. Blow them out! Quick! Oh, and happy birthday!

Great news! …you’re still alive!

Happy birthday – I’m so glad you’ll always be older than me!

Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit. But make sure you check it for wrinkles first!

happy birthday silly

If you got stung by a jellyfish, I would totally pee on you. That’s how much you mean to me bro. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday dude. Enjoy another 365 days of an all-expense paid trip around the sun.

There’s no shame in thinking like a teenage boy when you are old as the hills. Wishing you a Happy Birthday. May you live long!

Friends like you make me feel younger and more handsome. I wish you have two birthdays a year so you get older twice as fast as me. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to a real friend of mine. In this day and age, those are harder to find than toilet paper, so you should definitely feel accomplished!

You’ve got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome… if you could remember any of it.

Remember that age is just a number… just a really, REALLY high one in your case!

It’s your birthday! You know what that means? One year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids “Get off my lawn!” Everyone loves that guy!

Good luck getting a cake big enough to fit all those candles! Happy birthday buddy.

May you live so long your wrinkles have wrinkles. Happy birthday!

A man is as big as his imagination and as old as his age. True for you. Happy Birthday. I’m glad that you still have your teeth.

Happy birthday – So far, this is the oldest you’ve ever been!

Punny Happy Birthday Card Messages

You can pretend to be old when you are dead. Till then, you are just a little kid who wants to grow up someday. Happy Birthday, baby brother!

Happy birthday! I was going to get you some alcohol but given the times we live in I thought hand sanitizer was more appropriate. Stay healthy my friend!

You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday best friend! Here’s to another year of laughing at our own jokes, dealing with stupid people and keeping each other sane!

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays. May you have the energy and excitement of a 2-year-old but not the amount of their teeth.

funny happy birthday text

Another birthday of yours! It seems almost as if you’ve been polluting the earth forever.

Happy Birthday dear brother. I hope you will remain just as annoying as now even when you are 100 years old.

For your special day, I’ve sent you a truly gracious present. It’s a ghost hug! You can’t feel it, but it is definitely there! Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.

Because you mean so much to me, I got you this piece of paper that’s folded in half! I wish we could celebrate together but instead you get this awesome card. It’s pretty much the same thing.

Thanks for always being older than me. Happy birthday buddy.

Please get a confetti cake for your birthday. Since you are no fun, at least the cake should be.

Happy Birthday to the boy who was found on the road and picked up by my parents. Wish you all the good things in life, brother!

I thought you might need some help with the candles. Happy Birthday!

They say the gift of friendship and love is the best one a person can receive. So that is what I got you for your birthday!

You are just getting younger in reverse! Happy birthday!

Happy birthday. The older you’re getting, the more of a child you’re becoming. Grow up now, will you?

This is the day you arrived to steal my share of mom and dad’s love. Happy birthday, brother.

funny birthday wishes for girls

Smart, good looking, and funny! But enough about me. Happy birthday!

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest!

Happy birthday to our smart, talented, superbly awesome and crazy cute niece! You obviously take after your favorite aunt hehe!

Happy birthday! May you live long enough to see Amazon delivering on the moon.

Happy birthday! Super glad you were born.

I wish some people would stop wasting things. Just like you. You are wasting space on the earth and certainly wasting the time of others. Happy Birthday!

The only good your birth has brought is your dumbness. It has been entertaining me for years!

A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.

Don’t let aging get you down… it’s too hard to get back up again!

Thanks for being older and wiser and letting me know when to expect grey hair and wrinkles.

Older? Definitely. Wiser? …mmm debatable. Happy Birthday!

Seriously, I don’t know how many more of your birthdays I can handle.

Happy Birthday, son! Your existence taught me the valuable lesson of protection of one’s assets.

Great news! You’re still alive! Happy birthday!

You must be tired of blowing the candles off on your birthday! Jokes apart, Happy Birthday!

You are the epitome of stupidity and a living legend for annoying people. Bad luck for me that you are my brother. Happy Birthday!